Your Key to Body Image Freedom
I was 13 when I went on my first diet.
I had been struggling with my weight for about six years, and my obsession with my appearance was beginning to take over my life.
I only had two or three shirts I felt comfortable wearing, and my primary concern was that they didn’t make me “feel fat.” Even those carefully selected shirts were always hidden under my West 49 sweater for extra coverage.
To top it off, I would slump my shoulders—a defense mechanism to hide my “man boobs,” which were my biggest insecurity.
My self-worth was entirely tied to how I viewed my body.
I felt like my body was holding me back from enjoying so many moments in my life, and by the time I turned 13, I was fed up.
I believed that the only way to escape this misery was by changing my body.
So, I started working out three to four times a day. My first two meals each day consisted of a sludge of water mixed with “weight loss smoothie powder” (essentially just a glorified protein shake). Whenever I “cheated” on my diet, I’d punish myself the next day by eating even less or exercising even more.
In just five months, I lost 60 pounds—one-third of my body weight, to be exact.
This is how I spent the summer between elementary school and high school: focusing on calorie counting instead of making memories.
Unsurprisingly, this drastic change brought endless praise. And it felt good. No, it felt incredible.
I had now experienced both sides: one where I felt worthless because of my larger body, and another where I felt accepted and valued because of my slimmer body.
In another version of this story, I might have gained insight from this new perspective—perhaps developed empathy for those facing the stigma of being in a bigger body or found the courage to advocate for body acceptance, regardless of size.
But instead, I became part of the problem.
I built my identity around being a “former fat person,” someone who was proof that “anybody can lose weight.”
However, as these stories often go, I eventually regained much of the weight over the next few years.
This sent me into a depression. I felt like I had lost my value—as if I had won the lottery and squandered my fortune.
This pattern repeated for nearly 15 years.
Then, I stumbled upon something called “body neutrality.”
For me, embracing a body-neutral approach led to a paradigm shift. It offered a way to separate my happiness from my appearance. It also prompted me to ask myself some deep questions about my body and the life I wanted to live:
“Do I want my self-worth to be defined by my external appearance?”
“Do I want to continue this cycle—and possibly pass it on to any future children I might have?”
“What would my life look like if I focused on valuing myself for who I am, rather than how I look?”
The answers weren’t immediately clear, but body neutrality gave me the chance to step off the hamster wheel of chasing aesthetic goals and finally, truly reflect.
In this article, I’ll guide you through the process of adopting a more body-neutral approach to your own self-image and self-care.
Here’s what you’ll discover:
- What body neutrality really means
- How to think about your body and health without tying it to your appearance
- Five practical, body-neutral strategies you can start using today to stop letting your weight, size, or shape dictate your happiness
Let’s dive in.
What is Body Neutrality?
Body neutrality is a mindset that encourages you to value your body for how it functions and feels, rather than how it looks. This approach fosters self-acceptance while still promoting overall health and well-being.
In practice, this looks like:
- ✅ You exercise and eat nutritiously—not to achieve a certain appearance, but because it makes you feel good.
- ✅ You still enjoy treats (because life is too short to skip out on pizza!), but you don’t overindulge because you know it doesn’t make you feel great physically.
- ✅ You wear clothes and celebrate your appearance in ways that feel true to you, but your self-worth isn’t dependent on how you present yourself.
- ✅ You may not always love every part of your body, but you don’t let that stop you from living your life. Improving your appearance isn’t a prerequisite for happiness.
- ✅ You might still care about how you look, but you expand your self-identity to include your values and inherent worth as a person.
For example, I value spending time with friends and family. I value playing recreational sports. I value trying new experiences.
In the past, when I’ve been heavier, I’ve neglected these things in favor of isolating myself.
“I’ll do them again when I lose weight,” I used to tell myself.
Body neutrality helped me realize that I deserve to enjoy these aspects of life—no matter how I look.
Everyone can benefit from adopting a body-neutral perspective.
Body neutrality isn’t just for those in larger or marginalized bodies. It’s also valuable for people with so-called “ideal bodies”—those who’ve received validation and privilege because of their appearance.
“I’ve worked with clients who are generally content with how they look, but they still struggle with body image because their self-worth is tied to it,” says Shannon Beer, a registered nutritionist and body image coach.
Even people with idealized bodies can find themselves not living the life they truly want because they’re expending all their energy maintaining an image of “perfection.”
(For insight into the sacrifices required to meet these “ideal” standards, check out: The cost of getting lean: Is it really worth the trade-off?)
As body neutrality coach Jessi Kneeland, author of *Body Neutral: A Revolutionary Guide to Overcoming Body Image Issues*, puts it: “The ‘meh’ is the magic.”
The aim of body neutrality isn’t to love every part of your body all the time, nor is it about forcing yourself into a state of toxic positivity that ignores genuine—and sometimes negative—feelings about your body. That’s just not realistic for most people.
(Want to listen in on the whole conversation? Watch it here: PN Coaches discuss body neutrality and negative self-talk)
Instead, a more attainable goal is to feel somewhat… meh. You’re not glorifying or criticizing your body excessively; its appearance simply doesn’t hold that much significance.
When you’re accustomed to hating your body, reaching a neutral (or ‘meh’) state can be incredibly liberating. From this place, you might even begin to appreciate yourself in a deeper, less appearance-focused way.
In practice, this might mean you love certain aspects of your body but feel indifferent or slightly negative about others.
For example, you might look at your stomach and feel ashamed because it doesn’t meet your ideal. While this feeling is uncomfortable, it isn’t “right” or “wrong.” The key is not letting that feeling dictate your actions, such as deciding not to go out or vowing to start a diet the next day.
To share a personal example:
As a guy living in North America, I feel pretty ‘meh’ about being 5’9″.
Would I love to be 6’2″?
Sure.
But I’m not 6’2″, and that’s not something I can change. My height doesn’t ruin my day, and I certainly won’t let it stop me from enjoying life.
Body Neutrality and Aesthetic Goals
Some people fear that embracing body neutrality means giving up any desire for physical changes. They may also worry that being more body neutral could cause them to lose aspects of their appearance they like, such as muscular legs or a slim torso.
Here’s the thing: body neutrality supports health.
It doesn’t mean your body can’t change.
It just means your self-worth isn’t tied to that change, and your life isn’t consumed by the pursuit of a specific look.
If you’ve been pushing yourself to the brink with extreme diets and workouts, body neutrality encourages you to step back from those practices. If you’ve been overeating or avoiding exercise because you dislike your body, body neutrality urges you to reconnect with self-care and choose habits that support your well-being, regardless of your body’s shape.
In this way, body neutrality can help balance your health and fitness behaviors, and as Beer points out, it’s unlikely to harm your physical health when applied correctly.
And remember…
There’s nothing wrong with having aesthetic goals.
Body neutrality only rejects physical or aesthetic change when it comes at the cost of your mental, emotional, social, physical, or existential well-being.
5 Ways to Embrace Body Neutrality Today
Congratulations! Just deciding to move away from an appearance-focused approach to health and fitness is an important first step.
But true, lasting change comes from taking action.
Here are five practical strategies you can start using right now to develop a more body-neutral mindset.
Strategy #1: Enjoy the things you love today.
Stop waiting to achieve your “ideal” body to start enjoying life—begin doing the things you love right now.
Start with something simple that you usually avoid when you feel insecure about your appearance.
When I was at my lowest, I spent too much time indoors, even though I love being outside. It might sound small, but even reading outside on a nice day made a difference for me.
The key is: It doesn’t have to be big.
Identify one thing you’ve held back from doing and give yourself permission to do it, even in a small way, regardless of how you feel about your body. Teach yourself that you don’t need a specific body shape or size to experience joy.
Strategy #2: Set body-neutral goals.
This has been transformative for many clients I’ve worked with. I’ve seen people change their relationship with exercise when they focus on what their bodies can do rather than how they look. I often hear, “I feel so much better, even if I haven’t lost any weight.”
When you focus too much on appearance or weight, you might miss out on other signs of progress—like how great you feel.
If your fitness goals are usually about aesthetics, try setting goals that have nothing to do with appearance.
This might include:
- Setting strength or performance goals in the gym (like improving your deadlift or beating your sprint time).
- Practicing slow, mindful eating at more meals (if you usually finish meals in seven minutes, try making one last 20 minutes by chewing thoroughly and savoring each bite).
- Learning a new skill at the gym (like mastering your first pull-up or a complex Olympic lift like the clean and jerk).
These goals focus on what your body can achieve, not how it looks. And chances are, you’ll feel more empowered as you start reaching them.
Strategy #3: Curate Your Environment
Take charge of your surroundings to diminish the influence of body-image obsession. Starve that negative mindset wherever possible.
Here are some ways to start:
- Unfollow social media accounts that exploit insecurities or promote unrealistic standards. Instead, follow accounts that are body-neutral or inspire other parts of your personality, like humor or hobbies.
- Reduce your focus on appearance. Try having fewer mirrors around, covering some up temporarily, or turning off the self-view on Zoom.
- Consider getting rid of the scale. Many people find it hard to stay “neutral” about the number they see.
- Set boundaries around body talk. Some environments are filled with discussions about body hang-ups or weight loss. If someone starts talking about their diet or complaining about their body, try changing the subject or exiting the conversation. Eventually, people will catch on that you’re not interested in these discussions.
Strategy #4: Find Your People
Body neutrality isn’t the norm in most fitness spaces. But deliberately seeking out and surrounding yourself with body-neutral individuals can help you avoid falling back into an appearance-focused mindset.
Look for body-neutral, body-positive, or HAES (Health at Every Size) communities on social media and the internet. This can lead you to local groups as well.
Finding these supportive spaces will boost your progress and keep you on track toward a more body-neutral approach.
Strategy #5: Aim for Improvement, Not Perfection
You don’t need to be a body-neutral expert. The goal isn’t to completely detach from caring about your appearance.
Body neutrality is a spectrum.
Evaluate where you are now in terms of how much you focus on appearance in your health and fitness journey. If most of your focus is on aesthetics, even shifting a small portion of that focus to other areas, like personal interests or skills, is progress.
Use the strategies above to set small goals, and start where you can.
You might always care about your appearance—maybe more than average—but if you’ve made progress from where you started, you’re winning.
What Life on “The Other Side” Looks Like
Even after all this, I won’t claim to be fully body-neutral all the time.
But I’ve made significant progress since my days of hiding indoors on “fat days.”
I’m better at enjoying the things I love, even when I’m not feeling confident about my body.
I’m better at choosing comfortable clothing when I’m not feeling great about my body, rather than forcing myself into something tight and suffering all day.
And I’ve broadened my view of fitness for myself and my clients, focusing more on how we feel and function rather than chasing a specific look.
For me, that’s progress.
Your journey might look different.
Be kind to yourself, recognizing that you’re likely unlearning years of conditioning. Body neutrality isn’t a quick fix, but the long-term freedom, joy, and true self-worth it brings are well worth the effort.
If you’re a coach, or you want to be…
You can help people build sustainable nutrition and lifestyle habits that will significantly improve their physical and mental health—while you make a great living doing what you love. We’ll show you how.
If you’d like to learn more, consider the PN Level 1 Nutrition Coaching Certification.
